Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
