sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
