this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
