Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize