Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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