If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
