I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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