So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize