too bad you live with your parents still
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
