yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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