He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
