she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
