I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
