don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
