U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize