Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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