My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
