I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
