I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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