I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
