i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
