Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
