i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize