New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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