This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
