what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
