I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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