I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
