Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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