I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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