As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize