Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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