I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
