Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
