Umm I'm too high to move.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
