After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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