I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think your dad took our porno
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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