these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
