after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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