drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
