he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
