after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize