well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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