i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Text me some of your sweat
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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