I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
