so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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