i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
