it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Be still, my beating vagina.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
