We won't sleep together?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
