we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
