can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
