This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
