32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
