I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
