My friends, they love my intelligence
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Me. At least after what I've been through.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
