i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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