You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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