My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
