Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
