i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
