why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
