OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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