dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize