i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
