i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
