Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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