Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
