Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Randomize
