I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
