just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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