the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
